titanking

This semester should be pretty interesting and fairly entertaining for those who enjoy watching me squirm (metaphorically, that is). For some reason now unknown to me, I chose to finish ALL of my core courses first, so now I'm facing a lot of third level courses all at once. This semester I should survive yet. I've got a first year environmental studies class, and a second year reformational theology class. The rest are classes towards my majors--one second year english class (the British Novel), and then two third year sociology classes (Social Theory and Sociological Research--makes you shudder, eh?). I don't know, it's going to be a lot of reading, but both of my sociology classes have fairly small populations, so I'm going to have to stay on top of things there for sure.

Anyways, there is life outside of class. Contrary to what the profs might want you to believe. I decided to kick around campus this weekend for once, and managed to get decently bored in the process. So many people were gone and not much was going on. I watched a LOAD of movies. I picked up one called Apt Pupil, and it was really interesting. This sixteen year-old highschool senior discovers a bona fide Nazi war criminal hiding in his neighbourhood. This guy was one of the head officers at a few of the major death camps during the second World War. Somehow this kid has balls enough to threaten the old guy enough to tell him all about the death camps. Eventually the tables turn and the kid gets himself into some trouble... and yeah. The movie's a great watch, give me a shout if you want to see it sometime.

Anyhow, have a good one, this has been my speel for tonight.

My friend Josiah recently posted on the problem that he believes lies within Reformed congregations that are largely populated by people of Dutch origin. You can read this article here. This is my response to it.

I believe as well that there is a large problem in existence in many Reformed congregations concerning the effort that is put into evangelical endeavours. Maybe it is because we are too comfortable in our surroundings, and the close-knit community that has developed around us has become a security blanket of sorts. It is much easier for us to surround ourselves with people that have similar views and beliefs. When we are exposed to people that have slightly (or even radically) different views and beliefs than us, that security blanket is stripped away and we are forced to face these issues head on. Are we not called to do this though? To strive for unity within the Church? I know that this issue is something that I have struggled with through much of my life. I was raised in Christian schools, all the way through (elementary, secondary, and post-secondary). I was a part of the CRC church for the first 7 years of my life, and a part of the URC church since then. The reformed communities that I have been a part of are too content to focus on themselves, and often get far too caught up on infighting, and squabbles between denominations. Would it not be much more God-glorifying to look past our own irreconcilable differences and to reach out the untouched masses that are longing to be exposed to God's Truth? The Reformed Dutch tradition has been blessed with God's grace, but they are not the New Testament Israel--Christ has obtained salvation for people from all nations, and he commanded His followers to "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19, NKJV). We would do well to remember that in every aspect of our lives, and not just expect others to take care of it.

what you're doing now
is bringing me to craze
causing me to guess and rethink
every action, every look, every word
I can't even sweat it out
it just goes back to you

the biggest fear is being alone
but more than that I want you to smile
I'd give it all up for you
even though you're not sure it's worth it
but I know otherwise
and someday you might see
that your life is more than just okay

So I was digging around through a box of old notes, poetics, and other various memorabilia, and came across this, among other things... thought I'd share it.

Here's a few old ones...

agonization v. 2.0
it's the hour beyond
the next minute of our thought
the second we realize
how a feeling is subjective
to life
one can never know love
without letting it slip through their fingers
like sand of the sea
it's wasted, gone forever
time spent foolishly
it could have been right
but it was wrong
and now it's lost, never known
unable to come to it's full
never realized
waiting for that right moment
the one that must have gone by
a thousand times
but it wasn't quite perfect
the moment was ripe, ready for harvest
yet imperfection was found
and time waited till goodbye
those awful lingering unsaid words
filling the mind with agony
and that empty ocean breeze with cold
who ever knew a scene could break a heart?
some things soothe
and others ignite
bursts of pain - they burn for weeks
like an aching wound it never goes away
constantly reminding him of his waste
and how he never did right by her
now his unsurety is his downfall
and his naivety his torment
it all pokes and prods
a hundred years with one thought
one which never fades, never lessens, never dies
and leaves it's prey wanting more

held at fault for naught (desire of the best never had) -v. 2.0
time and time again he paid
for that beyond his control
he lost it all
and gained it back after the fact
but it was too late
for him to ever be right
his curse haunted day and night
till he became lost again
one hundred years of hell
seemed not long enough
but one burning thought filled his mind
the only memory of his torment
became the one thing he had betrayed
beyond grasp,
and within arms encircled
an empty whole inside
never filled
and the temptation given
seems to be that it can't get worse
but why does life seem to break it,
and never give back the chance?
it's all too easy
to need an end
and yet for reasons unknown now
one will never realize it.

Dashboard Confessional - "Vindicated"

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye
And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

[Chorus]
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
[Chorus]

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]

So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
[Chorus]

Slight hopeIt dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

And so here I sit. Once again, a mind full of many things and nothing at all, seemingly all at once... oh where to begin, when naught is fully at hand.

Have you ever held the head of a newborn calf and helped it drink for the first time? Watched that calf tumble as it learns to walk, learns to stretch its limbs and realize their ability? It's something else; awe-inspiring. That's one of the things I love so much about living in the so-called "boonies" and working on a farm. The rush of the city is something I can really enjoy, but at times I just need to get away from it all, out to those open fields and something that seems so much simpler. Yes, farming has become a high-stress business more than it ever has been in the past, but the ability to kick back at the end of long day and enjoy a sunset over golden fields is more reward than I could ever ask for. Seeing the world from the loft of an old wooden barn makes life simpler, more comforting, contemplative. The stars are so big out there, the sky so large that it could just swallow you whole and consume your mind.

Alright... not completely sure where to start, there are a few things running through my mind.

First off, kudos to Mr. Deboer for running for the CHP out in Wyoming, how'd he do Reubs? This discussison/debate seems to have perked some interest here, and rightly so considering how integral voting is to a society such as ours. One thing to remember about voting in a democracy is that it exists so that EVERYONE who wants to run can run (providing they get the base support of a certain amount of people in their riding), despite what people might think there chances will be. Political parties also put forth their plans for government based on what they claim to *believe*, which brings forth another important point. Religion and politics are connected to a great extent, whether we like it or not. Yes, this has been a bad thing in the past (i.e. the corruption that grew in the Roman Catholic church in the middle ages) but it has also had a few ups that don't often get pointed out in our history classes because secularist western society doesn't often like to talk about Christianity's positive historical landmarks. But anyways, I'm off on a tangent here. Religion in government... when you vote, one way to think about that action is that you're placing your vote towards a worldview that is presented by the party that you are voting for (I'm not sure how clear I made that, but hopefully you get my point). It was said before that there "can be" religious principles in government, but the truth is that there always are religious principles in government - the personal worldview that every person holds affects every action, every decision, everything they do.

Alright, so then when it comes to an opinion on the CHP, what should we think? It's true that they have almost no voice at all when compared to the masses in our government. And yet they keep fighting for what they believe in. And in their mandates I find a belief system and values that are strikingly similar to much of what I believe in. And it strikes me right now that the people that are willing to take the time to keep this party going deserve some respect for the effort they make, even in the face of such overwhelming odds. I know that I don't know as much about the Christian Heritage Party as I could, but I do know that they realize their chances at a majority government in present-day Canada aren't the greatest. Yet they continue on. That's because they're willing to put their money where their mouth is, their vote in the hands of their God. The future is uncertain, but as Christians we ought to realize that the life God calls us to will end much more brilliantly than the life that many parties are promising us *after we have elected them and given them the opportunity to fulfill ALL of their election promises.* So could it be such a bad thing to place your vote in something that mirrors your own beliefs, instead of on the horse out near the front of the crowd that looks best to you out of what's up there?

Don't kid yourself, I struggle with the decision of which party to vote for too. I was still thinking it through when I stopped stood at the poll booth, going through it all in my mind yet again. It's not an easy decision no matter which way you go, especially when considering that we are accountable before God for every action in this life. I don't want to say that stepping blindly towards whatever may bear the label "Christian" is the best plan; maybe some of the intelligence and effort seen by people in this very discussion could even be put to use in attempting to find a better way to get a Christian worldview and set of values into a position of any influence at all up on Parliament Hill. At this point, the CHP is one of the possibilities that might be able to bring reform to our nation.