<$BlogRSDURL$>

objects in the rearview mirror and things too close to see

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Battling Discontent

Have you ever had that feeling like you just need some change? Something big, not just the regular same old, same old? I'm there now. Not sure what exactly, but the whole idea of hitting the road and doing some traveling on my own is really appealing. I'd almost say it's a discontent with where I'm at now, but I'm not even sure how accurate that is. The last eight months at Redeemer have been incredible, and I've made some great friends. Not to say that there hasn't been downsides, like loosing touch with so many close friends from Prov, but that was bound to happen to some extent no matter what I did. I think getting a new job and a new place might've been a better idea for this upcoming summer, but the flexibility working at Witview and dad's shop were kind of convenient. I still have to get my car back on the road - it's been parked since October, and I think that I need to replace the brakes. I also have to get an oil job for it and a safety, not to mention insurance, before I can take it on the road again. Money, money, and more money. It's probably going to be upwards of $200 a month on insurance, plus fuel. At least it'll be cheaper than filling up the truck or van all summerlong.

On to people. I'm one of those people that spends a lot of time trying to figure out where other people are at, and not being really sure where I stand. Double-guessing myself, or something to that extent. I guess there could be a million different names for it, it just happens when people think too much, or something. But that's just me and my overthinking and rethinking. Maybe it's the country music that brings it on - I've really started listening to a good bit of that again.

Reasoning. It'll be the death of some.



b
|
Alright, so I'm stealing the Friday Five from Jay and doing it on a Tuesday... probably breaking a few rules, but I'm procrastinating and need something to do.

1. What was the last song you heard?
"Holdin' On To You" by Brad Praisley. This country music mood, I tell ya...

2. What were the last two movies you saw?
Life As A House, and... I think it was The Score.

3. What were the last three things you purchased?
Gasoline, and a Blue and some nachos at Jack Astor's.

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
This past weekend it was dig the old freezer floor out, drive back to Redeemer, and go out to Jack Astor's with some friends. This coming weekend it's working at de Wit's, finishing unpacking, and some serious email writing to catch up with people.

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
Nan, Laura Jane, Jenny, Jenn, and Gerda.
|
Battling Discontent

Have you ever had that feeling like you just need some change? Something big, not just the regular same old, same old? I'm there now. Not sure what exactly, but the whole idea of hitting the road and doing some traveling on my own is really appealing. I'd almost say it's a discontent with where I'm at now, but I'm not even sure how accurate that is. The last eight months at Redeemer have been incredible, and I've made some great friends. Not to say that there hasn't been downsides, like loosing touch with so many close friends from Prov, but that was bound to happen to some extent no matter what I did. I think getting a new job and a new place might've been a better idea for this upcoming summer, but the flexibility working at Witview and dad's shop were kind of convenient. I still have to get my car back on the road - it's been parked since October, and I think that I need to replace the brakes. I also have to get an oil job for it and a safety, not to mention insurance, before I can take it on the road again. Money, money, and more money. It's probably going to be upwards of $200 a month on insurance, plus fuel. At least it'll be cheaper than filling up the truck or van all summerlong.

On to people. I'm one of those people that spends a lot of time trying to figure out where other people are at, and not being really sure where I stand. Double-guessing myself, or something to that extent. I guess there could be a million different names for it, it just happens when people think too much, or something. But that's just me and my overthinking and rethinking. Maybe it's the country music that brings it on - I've really started listening to a good bit of that again.

Reasoning. It'll be the death of some.



b
|

Monday, April 12, 2004

I watched this movie called Life As A House which was a really interesting one to watch. There was a song that I really liked, it's by a band called Guster. Here's the lyrics:

"Rainy Day"

I will dig a hole
Save my pennies for a rainy day
I will dig a hole
Savin pennies for a rainy day
I'm not scared
I will build a wall
Sensing trouble from a mile away
I will build a wall
Saw it comin from a mile away
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearin your insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
I will just play dumb
I won't hear a single word that's said
I will bite my tongue
Never sing another song again
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearing my insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
Now they want to take my chances
I don't even try
Clouds are comin
Air get's heavy
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Sun starts sinking
Can't see my shadow
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Holes uncovered
Walls will crumble
All spells trouble on a rainy day
|

Thursday, April 01, 2004

bottles on the wall

Sometimes I frustrate myself, and then there's the days I feel like a bumbling idiot. I really do. Trying to mix vague and crystal-clear doesn't work, no matter how hard you might try. I want the best in the world for friends, but seem to let my own selfish desires get in the way of that, and am too inclined often to feel sorry only for myself, when I really know that I do it to myself and want my friends to have the best for themselves, even if that which is best for them is not best for me. It just brings on that feeling of want to start running and never stop, keep going to that big open place in my mind where you can let it all out and try to figure it all out and where you're going from there. Frustration. I know I'm awful for bottling so much of this up, but it's just the way I am and have been for so much. I've let some out from time to time, not as much as I should have most likely, and yet, despite the relief it does bring in some ways, I just can't seem to figure out that balance of level-headedness that I need. It's almost like some people crave the hard road and don't even realize it the whole time. I'm just ranting and venting here, I need to go somewhere and think things through a bit more and try to come to some sort of conclusion. Not an end, an idea.


b
|

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?